Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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