im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
