i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
