she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
