I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
