we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
