he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
soo... how was my night?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
