we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
