i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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