i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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