dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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