I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize