I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
