happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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