wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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