If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
