brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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