I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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