I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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