remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize