we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
