You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
