Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
