maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
this is an emotional support booty call
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
