Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Just pee around me
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize