Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
