I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
