Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
