his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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