We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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