my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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