Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
