I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
