he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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