dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
