I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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