you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
