Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
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