I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
