She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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