It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize