Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
