Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
