he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
