i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
