Who wears a wallet chain?!
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
