I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
How external is "for external use only"?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
