just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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