the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
