Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
