is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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