Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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