last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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