3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
