Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
