you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
