im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
