Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
