Don't make out with my wife yet
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
