I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
