@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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