Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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