Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
