I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I want her autograph on my taint
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
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