Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
