Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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