He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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