I accidentally had phone sex last night
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
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