please come you make the beer taste better
i wish my penis had a tongue
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
