Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize