I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
