Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
