She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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