oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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