Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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