This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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