I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
