ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
