A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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