Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
