im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
