we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
