Duck Duck Cougar?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
