Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I need moral support for this bender
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Randomize
