Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
