She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
