he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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