its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
two words...techno handjob
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
