so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
